Running, We Need To Talk

Allen finishing in 21:22 at the Huntersville Firecracker 5K
Allen struggles to a 21:29 finish in the Huntersville Firecracker 5K

 

New Balance has a series of commercials in which running appears as an ex-girlfriend.  I’ve always appreciated these ads and never more than in the last 2 weeks.  Running and I are having relationship problems.  I think we may need counseling.

Last weekend, I set a goal of breaking 21:00 in the Huntersville Firecracker 5K.  I ran a 21:29.  Today, in the Run For Your Life Run For Your Cause 4-Miler, I was shooting for a 28:00 and ran a 28:29.  Why does running insist on tormenting me with these extra 29-seconds?  What did I do to running to deserve this?

And running seems to freely give affection to others.  Why am I stuck trying to break 7-minute miles anyway,while the Bill Shires and the Bobby Aswells of the world regularly lay down sub-6-minute miles? 

One guy that especially amazes me is Milton Matheny.  Back in the early 80’s, Milton ran for A.L. Brown High School in Kannapolis while I ran for Central Cabarrus in Concord.  Now someone with access to records correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty confident that Milton never beat me in a track or cross-country race in high school and we ran all the same events.  So how is it that he runs faster now than he did in high school?  Why does running like Milton more than me? 

Lest you think I’m using hyperbole while talking about Milton, take note.  On June 12 of this year, Milton posted a 17:49 at the China Grove 5K Main Street Challenge.  I barely managed a 21:22.  I seem to recall that in 1983, a sub-18 was good enough to finish top-10 in our conference cross-country meet, a spot that earned one All-Conference honors and a photograph in the local newspaper.  I don’t remember seeing Milton’s picture in the paper.  But running made damn sure that my picture was there.  These days, if Milton and I are running in the same race, you’d be wise, very wise, to put your money on him.

And if you think running freely gives affection to Milton, wait until you hear what she did for Angus McBryde.  According to the online results for today’s 4-miler, Angus McBryde, at 72, is credited with running a 24:29, or 6:08 pace.  Really running, you big slut, a 72-year-old?  Have you no shame?

So running, you and I need to sit down and talk tonight.  Make sure to bring that toothbrush I left at your place.

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One Response to “Running, We Need To Talk”

  1. aaron Says:

    Ha – ya, she is definitely a love/hate gal! Everything I love about running often leads to what I don’t like.

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