A Letter to Cleveland

Dear Cleveland,

I am sorry to hear that your ‘king’, LeBron James,  has decided to move to another kingdom.  Please do not fret about his departure.  I say rejoice, for his riddance is good.  I am here to help you through this.

Here’s what I’m going to do.   Since the media has clearly ignored your plight and so little attention has been paid to Mr. James’ departure, I will use my considerable influence to bring awareness to your situation.  I have decided to run my next marathon in your neck of the woods, only 25 miles south of Cleveland in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park.  Once the hordes of fans of this blog read of my intentions, the internet will be abuzz about my upcoming race.  James will soon be forgotten.  LeBron who?

I am currently in discussions/negotiations with the major networks.  We will be airing a 2-hour special simulcast on all the major networks, including, but not limited to, ABC, NBC, CBS, ESPN, CNN, Fox, the Cartoon Network, and Comedy Central.  But I thought it only fitting that the devoted fans of this blog should hear the news first.

Peninsula, Ohio is feverishly preparing for the media onslaught that will soon descend upon their sleepy little town.  I have asked that a compound, complete with a 50-foot wide moat, be constructed before October 9th, so that I will be able to get a good night’s sleep before the race.  I ask that the media please respect the privacy of my family and I as we prepare for this momentous occasion.  All of your questions will be answered during the live airing of the 2-hour special, tentatively titled, ‘How Allen Will Save Cleveland With His Historic Marathon’.

So yes Cleveland, sporting accolades will once again be coming to your town, thanks to yours truly.  Oh, and before I forget, let me also take this opportunity to apologize in advance for Jake Delhomme.  If you don’t understand why I’m apologizing, you will come football season.

Sincerely,
Allen Strickland

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2 Responses to “A Letter to Cleveland”

  1. Jay Holder Says:

    Does this special need a producer? I freelance.

  2. Allen Strickland Says:

    Jay, you’re hired. How lucky for me to have found a running producer. First order of business, negotiate that 7 figure deal for me. Thanks!

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