A Runner By Any Other Name

I don’t know about you but I for one am getting sick of the negative vibe coming off this blog.  So let’s lighten things up, shall we?

The other day, after a stressful day at work, I jumped into my running attire and started to literally hit the trail.  Okay, not literally – does anybody else get mad when people use literally incorrectly?   Sportscasters are the worst.  I literally – yes, correct usage this time – heard a sportscaster say ‘He literally exploded on that play!’  No, no he didn’t.  But, as usual, I digress.

Where were we?  Right, I was about to go running after work.  Only 1 problem – I forgot to pack running shoes in my gym bag.  Luckily, I’m not as dumb as I look (not usually anyways) – I try to always leave a spare pair in the trunk for just such occasions.  I had already changed into my running gear before I discovered the absence of shoes so I threw on the flip-flops (yes the now infamous flip-flops from Saturday’s late night inebriated trek home) – I figured they went better with running attire than dress shoes, my only other footwear option at that point.

Once I finally made my way to the trail, I settled into a nice, comfortable jog.  After the stressful events of late, this run was meditation, therapy, and sanctuary.  I locked into a soothing metronome-like cadence and my mind casually wandered.

While in this relaxing Zen-like state, I approached a familiar figure on the trail, Jonathan Savage.  Oddly, he was walking (with someone) – I don’t think I’ve ever seen him walking on the trail before.  Usually he’s out there clicking off sub-7:00 pace 20+ milers.  I greeted ‘Mr. Savage!’ and he cheerfully replied ‘Hi!’ I eased past and thought, “Jonathan needs a nickname”.  So I played around with a couple (Jonathan “Doc” Savage, Jonathan “The” Savage) before finally settling on Jonathan “The Wizard” Savage.  I challenge anyone to take one look at his Facebook pic and try to argue with the nickname:

Jonathan "The Wizard" Savage

If you read his blog, you’ll soon find out why the nickname fits so well (above and beyond the fact that he resembles Gandalf).  I imagine him in a Dumbledore-esque setting with all manner of running potions, inventions, magical contraptions, and the like.

My meandering thoughts didn’t stop with Jonathan.  I thought about many of the runners in Charlotte, many with well-established nicknames, some with self-proclaimed nicknames, and some nickname-less.  I decided to post a list.

Drumroll please, I present to you the first (abridged) list of Charlotte runners’ nicknames.  Please feel free to comment with any I may have missed and/or to offer alternatives.  And if you don’t like any of the nicknames I’ve posted, please don’t blame me, I didn’t create them (okay, in some cases I did).  I’m just reporting them (and I use the term ‘reporting’ very loosely).

So, without further ado, here’s the list, complete with explanations:

1) Aaron “The Flying Monkey” Linz – See the tattoo.

2) Caitlin “Red” Chrisman – Self-explanatory.

3) Jordan “Cuervo” Kinley – Ask him.

4) Scott “Amsterdam” Helms – Lost a World Cup bet against the Netherlands.

5) Ben “Ping Pong” Hovis – Ask him.

6) Chad “Lacrosse” Crockford – I heard he used to play and I like alliteration.

7) Thomas “Tat” Eggar – Have you seen him?

8 ) Alice “Seventeen” Rogers – She recently went sub-18 for the first time (and her smile looks like it should be on the magazine cover).

9) Jay “Jaunting Journalist” Holder – TV news producer.

10) Meagan “Green Lightning” Nedlo – Which came first, the nickname or the blog?

11) Stephen “Speed” Spada – Didn’t I just tell you I like alliteration?

12) Bill “The Godfather of Sole” Shires – I didn’t pen this nickname but I wish I did.

13) Chris “Lamp” Lamperski – Have you not figured out this alliteration thing yet?  (And he’s rather fair-skinned.)

14) Tom “Pit Stop” Patania – Ask him about his Shamrock marathon.

15) Bobby “You Wish You Ran” Aswell – Sound it out.

16) Mike “Blazing Baby Stroller” Beigay – I was in a 5k once where he ran sub-17.  While pushing a baby stroller.  That’s just sick.

17) Leonard “The Ageless One” Hilliard – He looks young and he refuses to enter his age on his race registration until he reaches his goal time (I think it’s sub-18 which won’t be long now – he ran 18:01 at GreekFest.)

18) “Hurricane” Danielle Crockford – It’s inevitable that someone get named after a hurricane.  Danielle’s the lucky one.

19) Bob “What The” Heck – What I ask myself every time he blows by me.  Which is often.

20) Dean “The” King – Suck it Lebron.

21) Todd “It’s Not Hilly” Spears – Because of this.  Alternate nickname (I struggled between these 2): “Dammit” Todd Spears – ask him about this one.

22) Nathan “Pre” Stanford – He runs nearly as fast and he’s a bushy mustache and sideburns away from being a dead ringer for the famed runner.   Oh, and I like the sound of Pre-Stanford – it sounds like a placement exam.

23) Derrick “Frozone” Hewett – With his slick shades and state-of-the-art running attire, he looks like this.  And he moves around a course nearly as fast.

24) Christi “Mama Goat” Cranford – Ask her.

25) Théoden “Author” Janes – Really, you don’t get this one?  See here.

27) Dexter “Killer” Pepperman – If this one doesn’t make sense to you, apparently you don’t get Showtime.  Check it out on Netflix (at least the first 3 seasons.  I’m 8 episodes into season 4 and it really feels like it jumped the shark about 7 episodes back.)

28) Ken “Old School” Simpson – Chances are very good that he was running before you were alive.

29) Mark “Coach” Hadley – The man simply knows running.

30) Paul “UKRunner” Mainwaring – The UK does not stand for University of Kentucky.

31) Kevin “The Gypsy Kid” Ballantine – No list of Charlotte-area runners’ nicknames could possibly be complete without The Gypsy Kid.  Read the origin of the nickname here.