Why Alberto Salazar Is a Better Coach Than God

After watching Ryan Hall’s disappointing performance in the Olympic marathon, it occurred to me that Mo Farrah’s coach, Alberto Salazar, is better at coaching distance runners than Ryan Hall’s coach, God.  I pondered why and came to the following conclusions:

  • If Salazar gets mad at you, he may make you run some extra repeats.  Big deal.  If God gets mad at you, you may get eternally damned.  That’s just too much pressure.
  • Salazar has much more running experience than God.  To my knowledge, God has never competed in a single major distance running competition, ever.  In his prime, Salazar was the best distance runner on the planet, winning the Boston and New York marathons in the same year.  Now if you ever find yourself needing a smiting coach, God’s your guy, but if you want to medal in a long distance running event, I’d go with Salazar.
  • God is too preoccupied with other things, like keeping up with who’s eating at Chick-Fil-A and who’s not.  Salazar can focus on running.
  • God does not do a very good job at communicating workouts.  He kind of vaguely pops ideas in your head and you have to try to find the workout among all the other junk floating around up there.  I’m thinking mile repeats.  Is that God’s workout?  Is it something I made up?  Is the devil planting the wrong workout in my mind to mess me up?  So now you have to spend a lot of time praying and soul-searching to make sure you understand the workout correctly – that time could be better spent elsewhere.  Like  running, for example.  There is no ambiguity with Coach Salazar’s workouts – he’s standing right there with a whistle.
  • But I would let God coach my basketball team before I’d let Coach K.  That game with Spain was a little too close for my liking.

This guy is much better at coaching distance runners than…

…this guy.

Enough picking on Hall – I genuinely felt bad for him.  To have never DNF’d before and then to do it in the Olympics?  Oh that hurts.  That hurts a lot.  And then  Abdi Abdirahman dropped out moments later?  Oh no!  Who would represent America?  Meb, that’s who.  Way to represent, Meb!  You are a true American hero!

Back to Allen’s Road

My apologies for the stuff above.  I get emotional about the marathon.  It was surreal today to run a long run and then come home and watch the Olympic marathon.  I was out there at mile 17 and struggling just to break a 9-minute mile.  Kiprotich, the marathon gold medalist from Uganda, laid down a 4:42 at mile 23 to break the wills of the vaunted Kenyans.  Oh, and Kiprotich’s earlier miles were a little faster than mine as well.

Oops, sorry, still rambling on about the Olympics.  What’s happening with me, you ask?  (I know you didn’t, but I’m volunteering the info anyway.)  It’s been a pretty good training week, one of the best, if not the best, of the training cycle.  I ran a marathon-paced tempo on Tuesday and while I thought it felt a little harder to hit 7:49 splits than it should have, I still hit them.  On Friday, I ran 5 x 6-minutes repeats.  I crashed and burned on the last two, but at least the first three were on pace.  And today, I had my best long run of the cycle.  Nothing spectacular, nothing to brag about, but I ran over 17 miles and felt like I could have actually finished a marathon had I needed to (and probably could have beaten my Boston time by at least an hour).  This week was my highest weekly mileage since well before Boston, probably the most in over a year (I’m not going to dig back that far to prove it).

I’m sad to see the 2012 Olympics end.  They provided some much needed motivation.  In a way, you could say that Allen’s road to Boston ran through London.  I hope I can channel a little Galen, and Leo, and Mo, and of course, Meb between now and next April.

Until then, here are some “McKayla’s not impressed” pics to tide you over:

McKayla is not impressed with the president of the Charlotte Running Club (probably because of all that Redskin gear).

McKayla’s not impressed with Jordan. He’s only won 3 marathons? Who can’t do that?

I thought surely defying gravity would impress McKayla. Nope.


One Response to “Why Alberto Salazar Is a Better Coach Than God”

  1. jayholder8k Says:

    I enjoy that most people picture God as looking like Morgan Freeman.

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